Choices

I've never posted about my own life on this blog. It just didn't seem to fit. Usually I'm really happy and stuff, and my blog has a lot of sadder posts. But now I feel my blog reflects my feelings exactly now. Usually the feelings that I keep locked up, deep down, but they're starting to break free.

I would never, ever, ever jump off a bridge. I value my life too much. But all people want to do is control me. They don't listen to me, they think they are better than me. And maybe they are, I'm only 15. But would it kill them to listen to me sometimes? To give me more than a passing glance? To act like I exist? To believe the words that come out of my mouth? That I'm willing to change? That I'm TRYING to?

I would stand though, at the edge. Just to see what would happen. Who would come, what they'd do, how they'd react. And how they'd change for me. And if they'd realize where they went wrong, and how much they hurt me, and how affected I am by everything. Worth a shot right? But no, they'd just end up thinking I am WAY overreacting. I give.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just quit trying to fix it, because it just makes it worse.

I want to be the happy kid I was before. I sound like such a depressed teenager right now, but deep down, I'm not. If only people would listen to me...